Dare ni mo wakaranai- Nobody Understands
by ActualShortySass
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING! SUICIDE ATTEMPTED AND DEPRESSION. The title has nothing to do with anything. I just like it. Because I love 'Goya no machiawase' by Hello Sleepwalkers. Shizaya fanfic. Sort of a songfic but not? Izaya is depressed and has a love which he thinks will never be returned. Shizuo is just a protozoan. One-shot? Please review!


**EDIT!- Guys, GUYS! SEASON 2 OF DRRR HAS BEEN ANNOUNCED!**

**Hello everyone! I was rewatching Drrr! and just wanted to write some fanfiction. I was writing this whilst listening to the 'Howl's Moving Castle' soundtrack I just love it! Also the title is irrelevant. It started to fail at the end so please forgive me TwT and the grammar and stuff may be messed up, but anyway enjoy~**

Shizaya Fanfiction – Sayoko

"There's nothing left to take but I still try to reach. Try to swallow it all down yet I can't seem breathe."

Yesterday a doctor told me I was depressed. (Note, I said a doctor. He isn't my doctor. Shinra is the only doctor I trust. However he did recommend me to him.) I didn't believe him at first. I mean, I, the mighty Izaya Orihara, who is known to be a psychotic human lover. Frankly if anyone found out about it they would laugh. I don't even have a reason to be depressed. I know I don't eat regularly, and I admit I constantly have upsetting 'feelings' but that's no reason to be depressed. The doctor suggested that it was because I was lacking in human company. That's a blatant lie, all around me there are my wonderful interesting humans. He also suggested that I feel unloved. I don't need to be loved, as long as I had my humans. I had told him, but I knew that I was lying. I have a love that will never be returned.

"Just a single pill of mine, nothing else would suffice. I take it in now I'm alive."

So every day I have to take this medicine. Which is supposed to make me feel like I'm back to normal. I don't really know what 'normal' is, however it makes me want to tease humans. So I suppose it makes me feel 'alive' so to say.

"My phone is set on lock and I don't really care. Just a tangle and a knot, that I cannot repair"

I check one of my many phones. The time is 12:00pm. Round about now I would be annoying Shizuo. The protozoan irritates me. He is the only one who can make me feel this way. He makes me feel human. If I had the strength I would annoy him. However I'm in an extremely bad condition at the moment. So I cannot face him. I would probably end up killed. Actually, should I just disappear? I see no reason for living. Even my humans have been failing to amuse me lately, even though I do love them.

"I'm a tragedy I'm ugly, I'm trying to hide. I say hello, then wave goodbye"

If you think about it, humans are really quite tragic. We are born, live for a while, die, and then nobody really knows what happens. Well theists have something to believe in, but does anybody really know for sure? I leave the house going in search for Shizuo anyway, just because I want to see him. I walk down my usual path, until I find him sitting in his usual spot, next to those vending machines he loves to throw at me. I try to think of it as a sign of love, but that doesn't help with the rejection I feel.

I walk past Shizuo casually. As usual he yells ' IZAYAAAAAAAAAAAAA'. I plaster on a fake grin and turn to face him. 'Shizu-chan~ I see your still chasing after me?' It hurts to look at him. Shizuo scowls at me a goes to pick up a vending machine. I make no attempt to move. I've decided I want this. I stand there staring at him. Not bothering to reach for my knife. The protozoan hasn't even noticed.

"See me fall down let me die here, slowly, nothing goes right not a trace of honesty. I'm to blame so I'll remain"

He throws it at me. It hits me with a dull pain. It hurts less than I expected. I hit the ground but get back up again. I have to make it believable. Shizuo looks smug, but he shouldn't be, I'm doing it on purpose. He runs at me, I stand there I let him punch the crap out of me before moving away and starting to run. The protozoan follows, I lead him to an alley and slow down. He catches up to me I let him punch me. I finally hit the floor, I think he has realized that I'm not stopping him. He questions me "Flea?"

I stare blankly at him. What does he want? Doesn't he realize that he is missing the perfect opportunity to kill me?

"Flea. What are you doing? Why aren't you fighting back?"

"Tch. Stupid protozoan. Do you realize that you have the perfect opportunity to kill me?"

The idiot stared at me, like I just killed his mother.

"Well~ Shizu-chan~ If you won't do it, I'll just do it myself." I pulled out my knife and pulled up my sleeves. The protozoan continues to stare at me. I slowly dragged the blade across my wrists. I finished I leant back against the wall.

"Flea…..What have you done?"

I smirked at him, "Granted your wish" I close my eyes, and prepare to die.

"Flea, I didn't want that. Flea. FLEA. Don't close your eyes. I'll do whatever you want just don't die on me. Please." Shizuo begged.

"Black, White, Day, Night. Its all the same. See it run down. Cut away, no worries. Say no more, I can surely say that I've had enough. I still refuse to believe."

It seems I have weakened the strongest in Ikebukuro. Shizuo lifted me into his arms. Begging and pleading. I kept my eyes closed.

"Shizuo." I said. "I love you." Shizuo then went quiet. I can finally die in peace.

"Izaya." My eyes flashed open and I looked at the idiot's eyes. He glanced at me, a pained look on his face.

"Izaya. I love you too." I felt rage flash up in me.

"Let me go. LET ME GO"

"Iza-"

"SHUT UP. I know your lying. You just don't want me to die because it will seem bad for your image."

"Izaya. That's not true."

"It is you've always hated me. You idiot.."

"You've hated me as well."

"NO I HAVE NOT. I pretended to myself I hated you, because if I didn't. I. You would just reject me if I didn't. I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE OF YOU."

"Izaya, please listen. I hate you because of your stupid smirk, your stupid love for humans, your beautiful pale skin, but I love you for that as well. And, well it irritates me. So don't say that I don't love you."

I started at him and smiled.

"If you love me you'll take me to Shinra."

Shizuo laughed and me, stood up and started to run.

"Shizuo, I really do love you." I mumbled and clumsily kissed his cheek and feel into a deep sleep.

**The end. Its was a bit rushed, sorry hehe. I did plan to have Izaya die and then have Shizuo say that he loved him after he died but I thought that was a bit sad. Well anyway, till next time! Please review, so I can improve! **


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